


From Firsts to Lasts

by RahDamon



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M, description of cannibalism in chapter 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-15
Updated: 2014-12-15
Packaged: 2018-03-01 15:14:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2777861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RahDamon/pseuds/RahDamon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first point of their romantic relationship to the last. Who said that Kaneki Ken and Nagachika Hideyoshi weren't a tragedy?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bookstore Date

**Author's Note:**

> This is a collection of my entries for the HideKane Week. But since I was participating in three other OTP weeks at the same time ( and still am actually) it is a series of drabbles ( with a title I am not wholly satisfied with but I so rarely title my work). Enjoy!

“ It’s boooring. I can practically watch the dust bunnies nibble on these old tomes of old. And is this one falling apart? Seriously, you’d think -”

 

“Hide, shut up.”

 

Ken’s tone resonated with deep annoyance, true, honest to God annoyance which he experienced perhaps once in a blue moon. The 16-year old boy rarely let himself feel that way since usually it was outstripped by embarrassment or amusement or mortification; especially when Hide was involved.

 

“You knew given the choice I would choose the bookstore, Hide. And you asked me where I wanted to go, remember?”

 

Hide’s pout looked more than childish and if Ken did not know better he would have thought he was looking at an too tall for his age 8-year old child. The whine he received as an answer just reaffirmed that mental picture. And the following sulking cemented Hide’s status as child.

 

Which actually was a good thing as Ken could concentrate on his books again. Or rather he could have had not Hide decided to stare at him without blinking which made him twitch in agitation.

 

This went on for a few minutes - Hide silently staring at him and him getting increasingly uncomfortable - until Ken felt he could not stand the silence anymore and took a breath. But before he could speak Hide grinned and amber eyes narrowed.

 

“ Yeah, I know. But I would be a piss-poor _date_ if I didn’t let my partner decide the location of the date I invited him out on, right?”

 

Ken’s mind screeched to a halt crashing against the walls of his mental library. His mind collapsed completely when Hide leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, nothing more than a short touch, a fleeting peck.

  
_Well,_  he thought as he listened to Hide chortle, _at least I didn’t faint or anything._


	2. A Trip to the Arcade

The music burst through his ears to his brain and the neon colors splashed against his eyes in a weird kind of way. To be honest, those blinking lights hurt and he looked at a grinning Hide ( his boyfriend of a month now and wasn’t that still so novel after a lifetime of being best friends) doubtful wrinkles around his eyes.

 

Once or twice Ken opened his mouth but somehow the words he wanted to say didn’t come. Only when Hide gleefully snickered at him while simultaneously beaming like he was the sun personified, like Ken’s little, personal sunshine, did the words tumble out of his mouth with less dry bite than planned.

 

“ When I agreed to going to the arcade with you, I thought you meant a quaint, tucked away festival. Not a monster carnival.”

 

Ken didn’t understand the look Hide threw at him for his comment - suffering but like Hide was finding him too endearing for words and besotted with something Ken didn’t quite dare name yet.

 

Also Hide’s amused chuckle both quenched a thirst in him - that was a true laugh, and Ken loved making Hide laugh sincerely - and set him on fire - no, he was not going there.

 

“ Who uses the word ‘quaint’ while talking nowadays? Ken, honestly. I love you anyway.”

 

While Hide’s voice held more than just a spice of teasing the sentiment of love was honest and Ken flushed. He still couldn’t say that L-word although he often tried to steer them to Hide’s favourite haunts when they were going to eat lunch or left a magazine with interesting tricks and tips of successful detectives at Hide’s place or a psychology book he was sure would be usedful for the hobby investigator. Basically Ken tried to give Hide hints he appreciated him but he couldn’t bring himself to admitting it out loud.

 

“ Aaand the ship has been lost to the storm. Mayday, Captain, Mayday.”

 

Blinking Ken stared at his boyfriend incomprehension in the curve of his eyebrows. Hide was doing something with his lips that was between an irritated grin and a fond smile.

 

“ Oh, the Captain returned from his trip to outer seas. Geez, Ken, we are on a date. I’d love having your thoughts only on me and here and now and not in some fantasy worlds of books you have read.”

 

“I was thinking of you!”

 

He had meant to say that with complete confidence and protest but ended up mumbling it while the colour of his cheeks turned a pretty garnet red. Hide raised an eyebrow at that lips twitching but before he could retort he was pushed from behind by someone.

 

(Oh. Ken had forgotten they were on a carnival and amidst an ocean of people that were not frozen in time but moving.)

 

Taking half a step forward Ken attempted to steady Hide but as luck dictated he was pushed as well and they ended up on the ground entangled into each other and would be very likely spluttering if their lips weren’t pressed together.

 

They were both surprised but when Hide’s eyes gained a familiar sparkle in them and the accidental kiss turned into a very nice, purposeful one Ken knew he was on known shores again and simply enjoyed the meeting of their lips.

 

Well, he enjoyed it until he noticed the wide-eyed and gawping people around them.

 

Hide, probably tuned to him like some weird turbofox or whatever those things were Hide enjoyed, immediately detached himself from Ken, standing and pulling Ken up like he was weighing nothing. A sunny grin attached itself to those lips that moments before had been on his.

 

“Let’s enjoy the arcade!”

 

Hide’s teeth flashed as the grin turned just a bit darker and a shiver went down Ken’s spine.

  
“We can continue that later when we’re home.”


	3. Sharing Music

Ken liked nuzzling into Hide’s sides. It’s something he wouldn’t have dared to do before they became a couple and it took a good year before he started doing it but now he did it all the time - or rather whenever they were something private like at Ken’s flat or Hide’s home or some abandoned table in the library.

 

(Or a dusty corner in a bookstore but that location was chosen rarely because Hide would giggle and laugh and refuse to explain why even while reciprocating his affections.)

 

But Ken liked nuzzling Hide best when they were either naked and he could nuzzle into Hide’s chest directly over his heart or when he could hide his face into Hide’s neck and wordlessly beg to be hold.

 

Lately Hide had begun to hum melodies when Ken decided to nuzzle him. Mostly those were cheery, little tones or comforting, soothing lullabies but they never failed to lull Ken to sleep.

 

Ken loved it as those songs proved what Hide so often professed. Sharing his own music - as all melodies were composed, more or less anyway, by Hide - was just another way of showing love.

 

But sometimes, on those times when Hide was stiffer than usual, his grin just a bit less bright and fake and more like a fluorescent lamp than sunshine, Hide’s throat would tremble and the melody would be angry or sad or just dissonant.

 

Nuzzling Hide at those times was a risk because he would either calm down ( that’s when he knew he wasn’t the reason for Hide’s mood) or he would freeze up, shrug him off, or ignore him.

 

Or worse they’d be having an icy argument. Like they were having now.

 

People never expected Hide capable of being frigid or cold but he could be. Ken often forgot that because Hide was sunny most of the time and not as prone to sulking and silent suffering as Ken was.

 

Hide always strove to keep that side of him hidden, even though Ken had told him he shouldn’t. And exactly that , when coupled with the words “Don’t always bear everything on your own shoulders’ , had led to their argument and silence between them for two days now.

 

And Ken was handling this in his own way. By sulking and spending lunch in a little coffee shop he had never frequented before. All he wanted to do right now, though, was to nuzzle into Hide’s neck and apologize but he knew any apology he made without knowing for what would be worthless.

 

Ken didn’t know what he had done wrong.

 

“Uhm, Mister, excuse me but I am new here and don’t know how to get home. Could you help me find a way?”

 

Startled he looked up into an awkwardly smiling face of a pretty woman with vibrant purple hair a white dress hanging just so on her hips and a Takatsuki Sen book clutched to her chest.

 

He saw no reason to refuse.

  
(He should have.)

 


	4. On Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay~ It's a switch of POV. The darker parts start now~

Barely one week after he had stopped talking to his boyfriend he broke. Hide had actually waited for Ken to come to him but after barely a second thought he rolled his eyes over his own stupidity. Ken was more the type to wallow and sulk and wait for him and blaming himself.

 

Which had been the crux of their argument because Hide couldn’t stand it, he couldn’t stand his boyfriend silently bearing all the pain and always taking it upon himself to be the sacrificial lamb. And then have the gall to call him out on Hide’s own tendency to bury his worries deep into himself.

 

But this wasn’t the way to go. He had to approach this more delicately than he had and with more cunning. Well, at least he had enough cunning to spare even though the first order of business was to apologize to Ken. For that he meandered through a supermarket, picking out Ken’s favourites and an extra large pot of ice cream for them to share to some dumb movie.

 

Hopefully that would get him into Ken’s good graces.

 

However that plan fell through when no matter how often Hide rang the bell or bellowed out nobody opened the door. He only stopped when one of Ken’s neighbours slammed his own door open and scolded him loudly and with poisonous words for making such a ruckus.

 

Gnawing at his lips he flipped his phone and typed as fast as possible.

 

_‘Hey, Ken, where are you? You are not at home and I know you didn’t go to Uni for at least 3 days. Where are you?’_

 

He waited two hours in front of Ken’s door for an answer. Two hours full of uncertainty and worry because if Ken had just gone out he would have returned home an hour ago at latest and uncertainty because if Ken wasn’t home where was he? Ken wasn’t one for extended trips from the safety of his man cavern aka his own home library.

 

When his phone buzzed he didn’t even needed a second to check it and yes, it was a message from Ken!

 

But when he read the message his relief dissipated and made way for anguished guilt and undiluted hurt.

 

_‘ You don’t need to know. I moved temporarily somewhere else; besides I think we need to take a break.’_

 

Hide could literally feel his mind crack and his heart fracture. Nothing - nothing - he had ever done had pushed Ken away from him. Not when he took it in his own hands to discipline Ken’s so-called family. Not when he more or less forced down medicine Ken’s throat when he was sick and refusing treatment. Not when he had made disapproving observations about Ken’s mother, especially after her death.

 

So the only thoughts looping through his mind were ‘ I have hurt Ken that much’ and ‘I’m sorry’.

 

And he might have typed those up and sent them in the hope of changing Ken’s mind and appealing to that sense of always making everyone around him happy that Hide both despised and loved about Ken. Underhanded it might be but he was desperate.

 

The clock ticked on. And his phone pinged. Heart in throat he opened the message.

 

_‘ Sorry. ‘s not u. ‘s me. Just need alil time, ok?’_

  
Hide’s heart plummeted from his throat to the ground. He had only succeeded in making Ken feel more upset.


	5. Pulling An All-Nighter

“ Nagachika, don’t you think it is time to go home?”

 

He wanted to ask ‘what home? My home is missing right now’ but without context and him not willing to explain that wouldn’t have gone over well. So he just smiled at Mado-san brightly like an artificial sun.

 

“Nah, I want to look through a few more files, you know? There’s something in them that just won’t let me rest! It is driving me insane.”

 

She just sighed half suffering and glared at both him and Amon-san ( who also was staying behind and most likely doing the same as him - pulling an all-nighter). Sniffing she turned on her heel shoes noisily clicking on the floor as she walked briskly out of their office.

 

Playfully Hide winced at the full-time investigator whose mouth didn’t even twitch in amusement and went right back to work.

 

Home. He had no home, not since Ken vanished and they went on a ‘break’ that was more of a break-up than a temporary respite from each other. With each day of silence Hide had become more and more angry and desolated until he had snapped and done what he did best.

 

Started investigating. And what he had found out wiped away all the anger only to be replaced by worry and emotional anguish.

 

Of course, a that thing called fate dictated, he found Ken but before he could confront his boyfriend about his new status as non-human and why the fuck he wouldn’t lean on Hide and trust him Ken disappeared again and the search began anew.

 

Only this time it felt like he had nothing to go on and was moving backwards instead of forward.

 

Hide had even got a job at CCG hoping to abuse its resources for his search only to meet a brick wall as he had no idea how Ken’s mask looked like ( if he had one), what kind of Kagune he possessed or anything. He was searching for a specific needle made out of silver among thousands replicas made to look exactly like that one needle he was searching for.

 

“If you are that exhausted or bored, Nagachika-san, please follow Akira-san’s advice and go home to sleep.”

 

Amon-san’s words cutting through the quiet office air startled Hide and made him blink stupidly at his fellow worker. The man’s eyes were concentrated on him wandering up and down and evoking a discomfort in Hide he couldn’t explain. Even worse than Mado-san’s stare as with Amon-san he had the feeling the man was pulling apart the strings of his masks and looking at his true motives despite knowing that his mask was perfect.

 

To distract the older one Hide let his eyes sink to the files the man was looking at and chirped in an upbeat tone. “ Am not. What is it what you’re looking at, Amon-san?”

 

When Amon-san kept staring Hide didn’t fidget or flinch; he just kept up his curious-friendly eyes on Amon-san and waited. Finally the older man sighed, leaned back in his chair and cracked his shoulders before explaining.

 

“I’m trying to pin down ‘Eyepatch’s first appearance and his subsequent movements.”

 

“ ‘Eyepatch’ ?” Hide asked. He hadn’t heard of that particular ghoul yet and he was sure he would have if it - no, they, dammit the CCG was already poisoning his mind - were on the more dangerous side.

 

He was pinned by sharp eyes and couldn’t help tense. Amon-san’s eyes were intense and dare he say it filled with an ice that seemed both burning and not. The investigator wet his lips with the tip of his tongue and gnashed his teeth together.

 

Then he talked.

 

“ ‘Eyepatch’ is a ghoul I am personally investigating - for the sole reason that I seem to be the first and only one to have met him so far. He was the ghoul who stalled me while Rabbit and that ghoul girl killed Mado-san.”

 

With Mado-san he probably meant Mado-san’s father who had been his partner, Hide figured the same moment he realized that Amon-san had referred to ‘Eyepatch’ as he and not it like it was the norm. Like he was regarding the ghoul as a person and not a thing to be eliminated.

 

“ When we fought … he was strong. Not in the beginning but during the fight as though a switch was flipped. Before it was flipped though ‘Eyepatch’ only stood there and refused to let me pass. He didn’t attack me until a second before I was about to kill him. In the end he let me go telling me to escape before he lost control of himself and begged me to not make him a murderer.”

 

All through Amon-san’s monologue Hide stayed silent. He had the feeling the man would stop talking if he did and would not continue. And then there was his intuition nagging at him and he had always prided himself in having a strong and correct gut feeling.

 

Amon-san snorted eyes drawn together tightly in confusion and … lost, those eyes were lost between beliefs.

 

“ ‘Eyepatch’ talked like he didn’t want to fight but had to. He talked like someone intelligent and not a cunning beast. He talked like he hadn’t killed people all his life or as if he hadn’t been a ghoul for the same amount of time.”

 

Something clicked inside of Hide and it was all he could do not jump up, snatch those papers about ‘Eyepatch’ and snarl ‘Don’t touch him, he’s mine’. That or start laughing hysterically because wow, his intuition was telling him that he had found him, he had found Ken. ‘Eyepatch’.

 

“ Nagachika-san, please don’t spread this around. I can’t believe I feel compassion for a ghoul. Because he reminded me of a pitiful kid in the end.”

 

Hide nodded platitudes of agreement and swore promises to never reveal what Amon-san had told him. And he wouldn’t.

  
After all, only Hide should hunt his boyfriend and the first thing he’d do when he found him was smack him and then firmly wrap his arms around him and kiss him until they both died.


	6. Lasts

In the end Hide would have liked to have their reunion in a different way.

 

But it was out of his control. He had texted Ken often enough that they should stop this break, that they should meet up, that they needed to talk yet never received an answer. And here he was , his wayward boyfriend, blood streaming down his body in numerous rivulets into the dirty black waters of the sewers.

 

Hide could see the wound on Ken’s side - a gaping hole a human would have never survived - and heard Ken’s voice mutter in unfamiliar, crazy tones, high-pitched, scratching, insane. It saddened him to see his most precious person that way and weak, Ken was certainly weak dragging his own body with obvious effort through the soaked tunnels.

 

He had waited long enough so he approached with determined steps and Ken hunched over at hearing him before shifting into a position Hide could only call threatening and fearful at once. And then Ken started a new chant which broke what was left of Hide’s heart.

 

“Don’t come closer, don’t come near me, don’t, don’t, don’t …”

 

Gently he scoffed the halls echoing it around them and tried to inject as much happiness as usual cheer as possible into his voice.

 

“Yo, Ken, I must say your fashion sense is still a disaster. But hey, despite your catastrophous fashion sense I love you.”

 

Ken choked and curled up hiding as though he could still hide with Hide directly in front of him and kneeling down. That’s when Hide noticed that Ken was crying, crying and brokenly whispering “Go away … Hide, no … please, don’t .. look away”.

 

He thought his heart was nothing but broken pieces before? Well, they shattered and turned into glass dust at this very instance. Hide had always hated seeing Ken sad or watching him descend into moody desolation but this, this was on a whole other scale.

 

Without thinking he grabbed Ken’s arms, heaved him up (oh my god his boyfriend had got heavier and finally put on the meat or rather muscles he’d always needed; better not contemplate how) and wrapped him into an enormous hug.

 

What on hell had his poor boyfriend have to endure without Hide? It might be his own fault since he didn’t trust Hide enough to reveal his secrets to him but he couldn’t get angry at that broken shell his boyfriend was now.

 

When Ken weakly clawed at him and tried to push him away Hide just clinged tighter ignoring Ken’s constant ‘No’. Letting his face brush white hair ( huh, since when had Ken white hair? He had been so happy to find Ken that he hadn’t even noticed it) Hide whispered that he knew, that he had found out on his own that Ken was a ghoul now and that no matter what Hide still loved Ken who was his most beloved person.

 

The person in his arms went stiff before trembling and going limp into his arms while burying his face into Hide’s neck hot tears burning into skin. Hide just hold on resisting to tremble and break down as well.

 

Too long, too long he hadn’t held this person and now … now he wasn’t sure how long he could actually hold on.

 

When Ken sniffed Hide was tempted to make some stupid crack just to relieve some tension but then there was agony and teeth in his neck. Flinching back didn’t work because suddenly there were claws in his back and Ken seemed to regain all his strength and more.

 

Peeking down and through the pain Hide saw a red eye gleaming hungrily and a blank olive iris and he knew. He knew Ken was not there anymore as the feeding frenzy took his mind but instead of struggling more he patted Ken’s head.

 

He kept patting it all while Ken started tearing out the muscles in his shoulder and chewed loudly with smacking noises echoing. Hide also kept smiling and looked on with indulgent eyes as the world tilted and cracked black at the edges.

 

“Hey Ken, look up for me, won’t you?”

 

His answer was a growl but Ken looked up and Hide bestowed a last kiss on bloody lips ( iron, iron, he didn’t know how Ken found it appealing but then again he hadn’t fathomed why Ken had loved the taste of apples as well) and murmured last words against them.

 

“ I love you, Ken. Please live for both of us.”

 

For a second he could have sworn Ken regained his human mind but less than a heartbeat later Ken was ripping into his chest and Hide sighed.

 

At least this way he could hold on Ken forever. Inside of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was my contribution to HideKane Week. I hope everyone has enjoyed it as much as I did!


End file.
